By Alison Wood Brooks, Crown New York, 2025

Reviewed By Julie Kurd
Chief Customer Officer
Intuify
Cambridge, Massachusetts
julie@intuify.com

Lecturer
Boston University, Questrom School of Business
Boston, Massachusetts
julieku@bu.edu

It’s a drab bus station, and all of us are atomized in a “don’t talk to me” posture. I make eye contact with an assumed introvert who mouths “Cape Cod?” to me, and I nod affirmatively. Silent, functional conversation. But I had just read the book, TALK, so I pitch a situational question: “That’s a big suitcase. Are you visiting family?” “No,” she says, her words spilling out, “my architecture firm just won a major achievement award!” We talk about her award. Another typical “I don’t talk to strangers” woman joins in, telling us she was at that same conference. Eventually, she half introduces her husband and two teenagers as they gawk at her in disbelief, and she continues: “We’re from Ohio. My older daughter is in an equine program in an Ohio college . . . ” The conversation springs forward for the next 20 minutes, then the bus arrives. Even in the “we keep our headphones on and look forward” context of the Boston bus terminal, strategies from TALK come alive.

Researcher, professor, and author Alison Wood Brooks teaches a course named TALK at Harvard Business School. Her book, TALK, is broken into chapters including the following: Topic Choosing & Management (T), Asking Questions (A), Levity, or navigating between going deeper into their story while also surfacing for jokes (L), and Kindness (K). Kindness, for me, is more about kinship or listening deeply and making people feel seen, but Brooks shows us a more curious version of getting to know the person.

Brooks encourages us to plan conversations before they occur (similar to the “moderator’s guide”), to remember to ask follow-­up questions, listen deeply, and shower people with our curiosity and deep desire to learn what and how they think. Brooks describes how planning better topic selection truly drives richer engagement.

Of course, we know that great qualitative moderators develop trust and rapport, and they get people talking. They plan their conversations (i.e., the moderator’s guide), and they communicate with the more open-ended goal of listening and learning.

She also dedicates time to talk about how much we can learn from a disagreeing mind if we can keep our emotions at bay, listen, and ask solid questions. In contrast with agreeability, a disagreeing mind has divergent thoughts, also called “clash” in debate. When a person disagrees with your point, treat it with curiosity and an open mind!

How does one TALK with conversational receptiveness when there are differences in opinion? Brooks describes how we often aren’t listening and aren’t receptive, due to our conflict-aversion. We have layers of objections stemming from our emotions (how we feel), beliefs (what we know), motives (what we want), and identity (who we are). She encourages us to focus on learning versus persuading.

Consider Brooks’ “relationship reboot,” which is to re-engage someone who disappeared from your life due to a problem (e.g., a roommate who moved out on bad terms stranding you with extra rent payments, or a bad breakup). There’s power in reciprocity and learning about the other side by asking questions. Don’t miss the story of Dev and Anil in the “Apologies” chapter. It’s so powerful to work beyond our own myopic view in those Dev-and-Anil moments. I feel deep sadness for what Dev and Anil lost and then found through TALK. Brooks concludes that the act of truly understanding and delivering heartfelt apologies requires asking questions.

Back in Boston, I’m in line for another commuter bus to visit family, and I am not deeply curious about tired, 23-year-old Andre, but TALK pushes me. It turns out, this is his first day in the U.S. on a J-1 visa headed to work at a restaurant on Cape Cod. Back in his home country, it’s one more year until he’s a dentist.

TALK is a wake-up call to mid- and late-­career colleagues, as well as an important concept to practice by younger professionals. While you may be the best moderator on the planet, are you as deeply engaged with the world around you (e.g., colleagues, children, friends, acquaintances, community)? Read this book to reconnect with the surprises of everyday conversation!